Grief is like a wave...

By Funeral-Link New Zealand | Posted: Saturday September 30, 2017

Grief is like falling into the surf, being pulled over by a huge wave and knocked off your feet..

 You are dragged along and tumbled around. You are completely disoriented and lose your sense of direction. Just when you think you can’t cope any longer, you are tossed back onto the sand.

You lie on the sand catching your breath. Slowly, you start to feel the warmth of the sun on your body. As you begin to relax, along comes another wave and it tosses you back into the surf and away you go again – out of breath, disoriented and increasingly exhausted.

And as before, just when you think you can no longer cope, you get tossed back onto the sand again. This experience can repeat itself again and again, but gradually you begin to spend less time in the sea and more time on the beach, breathing normally and feeling the sun on your body.

The way grief often hits us when we least expect it is like the way waves can knock us over at the beach when we’re not looking. You could be doing something as routine as shopping. One woman described how she had gone to buy a pair of tights and when she was told that they didn’t have what she wanted, she burst into tears and then couldn’t stop. This had nothing to do with the tights and everything to do with her brother’s recent death.

These sudden bursts are waves of pain, hitting us hard and then receding, so we can catch our breath again until the next one comes. While we can’t easily control these bursts of pain, we can get through them and we can always know that we’ll have some normal breathing times in between. 

Indeed, slowly, the waves come less often..

Funeral-Link members are in each region throughout New Zealand. They share each others values and are able to support families through the journey of change. see: www.funeral-link.co.nz for your local member.  

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